no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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