He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
