I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
