I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
