First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
