so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
