Someone shit on the floor
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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