drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You don't make any sense
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