party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize