Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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