I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
