Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
