this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
