the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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