conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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