she was so not down for the gang bang
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
