i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize