Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
