i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
