So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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