Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
