Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
