How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize