Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
