her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
