Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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