PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
