Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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