I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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