I wanna bring you to show and tell
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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