he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
