I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize