im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
