Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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