haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
