that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
