and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
