Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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