I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I touched a dick in church today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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