Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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