A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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