Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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