Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
