Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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