lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
