You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
