absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Are we in a gay sports bar?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
