My balls are so social today.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize