Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize