Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
