jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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