Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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