that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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