You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
