i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
