Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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