he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
