I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
