you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
