He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize