so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
