I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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