life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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