Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
