I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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