I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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