so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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