those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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