Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
