awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
