so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
