Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
