i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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