how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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