youre lurking in front of me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize