I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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