laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
