I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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