A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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