i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
