Me too!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
