there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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