In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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