its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
