your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
