Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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