Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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