the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
