He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
