Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
