Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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