so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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