All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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