If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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