During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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