I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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