her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
