My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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