Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
