I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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