I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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