Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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