good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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