yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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