He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
